The Joy of Sharing and Passing Down Traditions
Most early mornings, I like to have a cup of tea and indulge in a solid scroll through my social media feed. For at least two months now, it’s been a steady stream of holiday-related content, replete with creepily relevant ads. But one story gave me pause. I’m paraphrasing here, but the headline was along the lines of “Exploring Death Cleaning With Loved Ones This Holiday Season.”
Clickbait, maybe, but I read it, and to my surprise, there were how-tos – create a chart of all the rooms to clean and links to checklists that could assist in discussing the long-term intentions of belongings. I also recently learned about Döstädning – the Swedish practice of decluttering your home before you die so your loved ones won’t have to.
The concept, though pragmatic, felt jarringly morose. It made me think – why does aging always have to be about preparing for the end? Why not focus on the now, the life still to be lived, the joyous moments yet to be shared?
My thoughts drifted to my mother-in-law, who recently passed away. When she downsized her home a few years back, she passed on to us a beautiful set of china. It was the china that we always used to celebrate Christmas at her home with the family. After she moved into a retirement home, we took over preparing holiday meals, and she came to visit our home instead. We used her dishes still, and she joined us, watching her son cook and her granddaughter set the table.
This year, while she won’t be with us, we will do the same as we did together for so many years – gather around a table set with the china she so cherished and revive stories, relive memories, and reinforce bonds. The first year we hosted with that set of china, I found a small handwritten note she had slipped between a stack of plates, detailing where and when she had gotten them during a trip to England. While it didn’t occur to me then, it does now – the act of passing down isn’t about preparing for death, it’s about sharing life, a legacy and story.
With death cleaning, you decide who’s going to get your things. With life living, you get the story that comes with those goods.
Transitioning Traditions and Family Roles
Belonging to the sandwich generation, I find myself, like a lot of us, balancing the needs of my aging loved ones and my own child. As my loved ones grow older, I see a subtle shift in our family dynamics.
As we’ve started taking over the holiday preparations, our older loved ones have been able to ease into a more relaxed role. This transition isn’t just a practical or even polite step – it’s a profound change in how we perceive and respect their journey through aging.
This shift also signifies a change in my role. I am no longer just a daughter, daughter-in-law, niece, or a mother. I am a custodian of traditions, a bridge between the past and the future. And while it may mean more work, it’s a privilege – one that allows me to shape and create traditions while giving our older family members the chance to enjoy these occasions with less responsibility.
Technology as an Enabler for Aging with Independence
The concept of aging gracefully isn’t just about emotional well-being; it’s equally about physical safety and independence.
I lead a company that, admittedly, can be viewed as focusing on potential worst-case scenarios. Our technology is there to help save you when you fall or help you feel safe outside your physical or geographic comfort zone. But I like to think of what we do as a way not just to keep people safe, but to provide a safety net to be free. Because the truth is, there will be falls, and there will be death, but there is also life and living, and stories to be told and shared now.
Devices that detect and report falls are not just safety nets. For the elderly, they are tools of empowerment. They provide the confidence to explore, to travel, to live without the constant fear of “what if.”
As we reconsider how we view passing on traditions and objects, instead of decluttering pre-death, we share ourselves, our cherished goods, and stories now. We can also shift our perspective about how we think of technology and aging.
With the correct tools, we can move away from hovering and over-protection to enabling and encouraging independence so our parents can continue their adventure in life, not just prepare for its end.
From Death Cleaning to Life Living
While death cleaning may be practical, it casts a shadow on aging. I’d prefer the focus to be one of celebrating life stories, not just managing the eventualities of age. When we encourage our parents to share their mementos and the stories behind those cherished possessions, we aren’t just decluttering homes – we are enriching our family’s story.
This perspective can guide how we discuss aging with our loved ones. It’s not a grim countdown but a celebration of the life lived and the experiences yet to come. It can be about honoring their journey, not just preparing for its conclusion.
Let’s begin to reshape the narrative around aging. Let’s talk about life-sharing, not death-cleaning. Let’s encourage our parents to share not just their possessions, but their stories and their wisdom. As they do, let’s celebrate the stories, the traditions, and the endless possibilities that come with growing older. And in doing so, let’s embrace aging not just with acceptance, but with grace and joy.
Adam Cleaning Services can help you declutter and organize your home, but the true value lies in the memories and stories you uncover along the way. By shifting our perspective from death cleaning to life living, we can celebrate the richness of aging and the cherished traditions that connect us across generations.
